This blog started because my friend who built my website said it would be good for SEO. I did not like that idea, because why the hell would I write a blog and who would want to read it? But, surprisingly, it’s turned into something I love. It’s been great practice sharing myself without thinking too much, even if it’s for an audience of zero. 

I’m unusually bad at being myself online. I have always felt way more comfortable hiding behind a facade. In my comedy/film work, I’ve found a way to show my true self and be vulnerable, because when it’s packaged in fiction, it feels safer. But, I would love to find that in sharing myself. So I want to start sharing more. I want to try. My true voice, true me, all that. 

I’ll be excited to see what that looks like.

If I look at the forecast for tomorrow, and there’s rain, I groan. Who the hell would want rain?! It messes up my plans for the day, it feels gross, it gives my girlfriend a headache. But unfortunately, we need rain. It’s part of the cycle. We’re lucky for rain. I would much rather live in a world with beautiful flowers and tall trees, than a desert. I’ll take some rain, if it means I get to live vibrantly. 

I’ve experienced many phases in my creative journey so far. 

My first phase of living a creative life was intense learning. I read every book I could find about writing, comedy, creativity, filmmaking, artistry, good habits, and understanding people, and then I made a ton of stuff. I threw shit at the wall and I tried to not care if it stuck. I just wanted to throw shit and get more accurate at throwing it where I was aiming. 

Throughout that phase, I learned and grew a ton, but I found myself making things that didn’t feel aligned for me. I was often making things because the people around me were making things like that, and I wanted to be like them. So I decided to cut back my output, slow down, and commit to aligning my creativity with my higher self. 

Enter phase two: tuning my voice. After learning how to live a creative, productive life, and trust my instincts, I needed to learn how to connect with myself and create things that were vulnerable and true to me. After about two years of this work, I feel mostly connected, and I’m ready for the next phase.

Now, I’m not sure exactly what it is yet, but phase three seems to be something like: “you’re not playing around anymore. You’re an adult, you’ve had your fun. Now make something really good and complete and aligned. Become a pro.

Throughout my career, I’ve received and read a lot of advice, and some of it has been really helpful. Here is some of the stuff that’s worked for me:

“If you want to be a director, start directing. Eventually people will start to think of you as a director”
They say there are two entry level jobs in the film industry: production assistant and director. What a beautiful thing. If you want to direct, create opportunities for yourself to direct. And more will come. 

“When I’m writing, I write every day” – Stephen King
The qualifier here is extremely important to me. I do NOT write every day. But when I’m writing, I write every day. It helps me stay connected to the characters and the story. 

“It helps to find a spiritual connection to your creativity” – my therapist? 
When you make choices because they’re trendy, or because you’re “supposed” to, you get in trouble. When you judge your creative choices, you’re miserable. But when you let it all flow out of you like water, and meet your ideas with joy and acceptance, then you are happy.

I’m sure there’s a lot of ways to build a creative career. Networking, grinding out content, and closely following trends, though, seem to be the quickest ways to gain a following today. Unfortunately for me, I’ve found I don’t have the capacity to sprint creatively, or keep up with the trends. I’ve found when I sprint, I burn out, and when I try to play to the audience, I lose that spiritual connection with my art that I value so much.

So, instead, I have to focus on very slowly building my craft one step at a time. Every script I write, I try to add one layer of storytelling that I missed the last time around. Every film I direct, I try one new thing to streamline the shoot, or improve the experience for the crew. Every time I audition, I focus on one aspect of my performance to improve. And I take lots of days off… just to think and reflect, because I have to. 

It’s slow alright, but hopefully over time I’ll build up my craft enough to gain a following that way. It might take a lot longer than if I were to sprint. But that’s not me. So, the only thing I can control is that the work continuously improves, that I’m always putting out the best thing I possibly can, and that the work is always true to me. And who knows, I might be 80 before I get anywhere, but at least it’ll feel good all the way through.